I don't wanna talk about it...But I do.

Ever have those days? Where you don't wanna talk about it, but you know that if you don't talk about it, it very well may kill you... Well, those days result in posts like this one.

I'm hopelessly in love.

I'm so hopeless that all i wanna do is lie in bed and think about...well, being in love. And I know you're dying to know who I'm in love with. Sorry to disappoint, but it's not a who...it's a what...it's an idea...the idea of doing theater.

I am awake at 3:40am because I was googling talent agencies, and Facebook messaging actors, and looking up studios. I have been writing back and forth with a guy who went to my high school...he was a senior when I was but a lowly freshman. His acting was good. Very good. He's currently in Chicago doing a film right now (no big deal). He has given me great advice and even a contact...and all i wanna do is lie in bed and think about how amazing it would be if things worked out for me the way they've worked out for him. I've also been messaging a girl who graduated from Messiah a few years ago. I'm friends with her boyfriend who is also a theater major. She is super talented, and even lives in New York. And all i wanna do is lie in bed and think about how amazing it would be if things worked out for me the way they've worked out for her.

And then i realize that they didn't just magically end up there...they worked their butts off to get to where they are.

Accomplishment doesn't come from dreaming...it comes from doing.

Which makes sense really. I just wish there was an easier way...but I know there isn't, so that's why I'm up until 4am networking. And that's why I will memorize an annoying monologue this weekend, and rock my audition on Monday.

because i am capable.

i am good enough.

i am

a

theater artist.

Start of Something New: Spring Semester 2010

Inspiration is a funny thing. At least I think so. I may or may not have been Facebook stalking someone and stumbled upon a blog of a student who goes here. It's good....very good. And I got inspired. The thing is...this person wouldn't normally inspire me. Not until I stripped away every pre-concieved notion of them, and viewed them as a fellow artist, did I realize that inspiration can come from the most UN-likely places. And that brings me to my next point. I need to stop judging people. It's a "joke" in the theater department that Starleisha judges everyone. Sometimes it's true. Other times...I am FALSELY accused. So. That's something I can work on. Yes...I believe it is.

Anyway, the spring semester started today. I had one class at 11:30. With Jim. And his wife Janel. And i might have been late. About 5 minutes late. It was funny We all laughed. Of course my mother didn't find it amusing when I told her. I have yet to receive all of my text-books (who needs them anyway?)

And tonight was the first dress rehearsal of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." I sat in on it to take notes for tomorrow night's photo-call (which I'm apparently co-shooting...?). I'm excited to get back into the swing of cameras. The choreographer has a brand new Cannon Rebel with at telephoto lens that she is going to bring and [allow] me to play with. This excites me very much. I'm also taking my FujiFilm camera. Provided of course I remember to charge the batteries in the morning. The cast is FABULOUS. So much talent, so much heart so much FUN. They all did such a great job, and I cried at the end....and I will continue to cry every time I see this SHOW. So. Good.

Oh-- I almost forgot (i wish i could forget):

The theater festival I went to...? Yea, not so much. I had LOADS of fun hanging out with my Messiah friends, and the Irene Ryan Competition went really really well. One of our competitors got named as the alternate SEMI-FINALIST. Cool stuff right there. But the rest of the festival COMPLETELY changed my view of theater. I realized that academic theater is not a world I want to be in {Good thing I'll eventually graduate, right?} Mostly because I'm a person who needs people. But don't confuse that with needy. I can be needy, but that is not my forefront personality. I simply must have friends who support me, and who I can support. At this festival, I personally did not get that vibe. And it's IRONIC that I want to be an actress because person after person, after EVERY PERSON has told me that theater is a lonely world. 8 show weeks, Holiday shows, no free weekends. Being SEPARATED from the person you love for weeks at a time.... and I'm a person who needs people.

SO that being said...why do i act? why do i do what i do? It's simple really (i think....?):

"Art is an expression of joy and awe. It is not an attempt to share one's virtues and accomplishments with the audience, but an act of selfless spirit." --David Mamet

So THAT is why i DO what i DO.

i do it out of selfless spirit.

not for fame.

or recognition.

but to share my love for theater

WITH OTHERS.

J-Term 2010: Here we go!

Hey everyone! It's the 8th of January, and the first three days of J-Term are DONE! For those of you who don't know what J-Term is it's basically when you come back to Messiah, take one class for three hours a day, five days a week, for three weeks. In our Theatre Dpt. if you're lucky enough to land a role in the musical, you just rehearse for about 7 or 8 (i think...?) hours a day. The J-Term musical this year is "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." It's a good cast, and it's going to be great! If you're not in the show, you are more than likely working in the shop building the set or doing something remotely related to the production. For me, I'm doing publicity. Basically I get to edit cast bios, preview the layouts of posters, and read every word of program proofs. I personally think it's fun, but apparently everyone else hates it. Oh well, I know what I'll be doing for the rest of my non-acting contracts!

Another really exciting thing happening during J-Term is the Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival. It's a nation-wide festival, and our regional fest is the 11th-16th of this month, at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. There are a few different components to the KCACTF. One of them is the Irene Ryan Scholarship Auditions. Basically what the Ryans are is one big audition for a...scholoarship, like I said. Adjudicators will go into different colleges and "judge" a particular show and nominate two candidates for the Ryans. Last year two girls from Messiah were nominated because of their performances in the production "The Spitfire Grill." This past fall semester, two girls from the Centenial Show "Fertile Ground" were nominated and an alternate was also nominated. From our final show of the fall season, "The Comedy of Errors" two more people (a guy and a girl) were nominated. One thing about the Ryans is that because it's in January, some theater majors are currently studying in Ireland, and some are involved in "Charlie Brown," so naturally not every nominee can go to the festival. So that being said, only 4 out of the 6 nominees are actually going to compete. Each nominee has a partner. They are to perform 2 scenes and then a monologue or a solo piece. We have two acting coaches, one who is going to go to the festival with us. I know I'm excited to partner with a close friend of mine, and I think everyone is anxious to do this. Another part of KCACTF is the design and stage management component. One of our stage managers has applied for that part of the festival, and I know she is going to be awesome.

Anyway, enough about that. I wanted to start this blog just to let everyone know about my life in the theater these days. For example, I've seen two shows in the past two weeks. I saw "Next to Normal" on Broadway last week, and it was so good. It's about a family in which the mother is bi-polar depressive. The music was so good, and the acting was phenominal. 2 out of the 6 were understudies (the mom and the daughter) and it was FABULOUS. Even though we didn't get to see or meet Tony award winner Alice Ripley, it was by far the greatest theater experience I have EVER had. The actor-to-actor connection and energy onstage was amazing. I was so inspired, and after seeing it I felt like I could do absolutely ANYTHING onstage. On our way back to Port Authority bus station, I cried because I knew...I knew that acting is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to go onstage, perform, take the bows, meet the audience, go home and be satisfied at how my day went. No more of this crawling into bed at 4 am saying "what am I doing to myself?" Instead, I want to hop in bed at 1 am and say "Yeah. I had a good day doing what I love."
The second show I saw was "Spring Awakening." It was the national touring production and my best friend has a friend who is the understudy for the lead. We went to see it, and I was impressed. The story, as we all know, is somewhat controversial (sexual content, and strong language), but the theatricality of the show was awesome. It's a rock musical, and basically it's treated as one. Neon lights, headbanging, the works. The actors were so full on energy and just seemed to have fun onstage. It was honest and truthful, and of course the music was good. I got to meet the girl who played Ilse, and she was so sweet, and I got to meet my friend's friend Krista. Krista just turned 18, and she has auditioned for more things that I will in my time in school, and I admire her so much. She's a true example of never giving up on a dream, which is a lesson I need to learn.

Well, that's this week's update. I'll be updating every night during the festival from our hotel, so be sure and check back!
Have a great weekend!