I don't wanna talk about it...But I do.

Ever have those days? Where you don't wanna talk about it, but you know that if you don't talk about it, it very well may kill you... Well, those days result in posts like this one.

I'm hopelessly in love.

I'm so hopeless that all i wanna do is lie in bed and think about...well, being in love. And I know you're dying to know who I'm in love with. Sorry to disappoint, but it's not a who...it's a what...it's an idea...the idea of doing theater.

I am awake at 3:40am because I was googling talent agencies, and Facebook messaging actors, and looking up studios. I have been writing back and forth with a guy who went to my high school...he was a senior when I was but a lowly freshman. His acting was good. Very good. He's currently in Chicago doing a film right now (no big deal). He has given me great advice and even a contact...and all i wanna do is lie in bed and think about how amazing it would be if things worked out for me the way they've worked out for him. I've also been messaging a girl who graduated from Messiah a few years ago. I'm friends with her boyfriend who is also a theater major. She is super talented, and even lives in New York. And all i wanna do is lie in bed and think about how amazing it would be if things worked out for me the way they've worked out for her.

And then i realize that they didn't just magically end up there...they worked their butts off to get to where they are.

Accomplishment doesn't come from dreaming...it comes from doing.

Which makes sense really. I just wish there was an easier way...but I know there isn't, so that's why I'm up until 4am networking. And that's why I will memorize an annoying monologue this weekend, and rock my audition on Monday.

because i am capable.

i am good enough.

i am

a

theater artist.

Start of Something New: Spring Semester 2010

Inspiration is a funny thing. At least I think so. I may or may not have been Facebook stalking someone and stumbled upon a blog of a student who goes here. It's good....very good. And I got inspired. The thing is...this person wouldn't normally inspire me. Not until I stripped away every pre-concieved notion of them, and viewed them as a fellow artist, did I realize that inspiration can come from the most UN-likely places. And that brings me to my next point. I need to stop judging people. It's a "joke" in the theater department that Starleisha judges everyone. Sometimes it's true. Other times...I am FALSELY accused. So. That's something I can work on. Yes...I believe it is.

Anyway, the spring semester started today. I had one class at 11:30. With Jim. And his wife Janel. And i might have been late. About 5 minutes late. It was funny We all laughed. Of course my mother didn't find it amusing when I told her. I have yet to receive all of my text-books (who needs them anyway?)

And tonight was the first dress rehearsal of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." I sat in on it to take notes for tomorrow night's photo-call (which I'm apparently co-shooting...?). I'm excited to get back into the swing of cameras. The choreographer has a brand new Cannon Rebel with at telephoto lens that she is going to bring and [allow] me to play with. This excites me very much. I'm also taking my FujiFilm camera. Provided of course I remember to charge the batteries in the morning. The cast is FABULOUS. So much talent, so much heart so much FUN. They all did such a great job, and I cried at the end....and I will continue to cry every time I see this SHOW. So. Good.

Oh-- I almost forgot (i wish i could forget):

The theater festival I went to...? Yea, not so much. I had LOADS of fun hanging out with my Messiah friends, and the Irene Ryan Competition went really really well. One of our competitors got named as the alternate SEMI-FINALIST. Cool stuff right there. But the rest of the festival COMPLETELY changed my view of theater. I realized that academic theater is not a world I want to be in {Good thing I'll eventually graduate, right?} Mostly because I'm a person who needs people. But don't confuse that with needy. I can be needy, but that is not my forefront personality. I simply must have friends who support me, and who I can support. At this festival, I personally did not get that vibe. And it's IRONIC that I want to be an actress because person after person, after EVERY PERSON has told me that theater is a lonely world. 8 show weeks, Holiday shows, no free weekends. Being SEPARATED from the person you love for weeks at a time.... and I'm a person who needs people.

SO that being said...why do i act? why do i do what i do? It's simple really (i think....?):

"Art is an expression of joy and awe. It is not an attempt to share one's virtues and accomplishments with the audience, but an act of selfless spirit." --David Mamet

So THAT is why i DO what i DO.

i do it out of selfless spirit.

not for fame.

or recognition.

but to share my love for theater

WITH OTHERS.